Elaine Viets

Dear Visitor,

Welcome to the Novels section of my site. To learn more about my novels, click one of the bookcovers on the left.

Below, you'll find reviews, free advice, a free recipe, and an easy way to have your books signed free.

Best regards,

get your book signed free

Want an autographed bookplate? Just send a self-addressed stamped #10 envelope. If you'd like your book personally autographed, send it to me along with a self-addressed stamped book-sized envelope, and I'll sign it for you.
E-mail me for the details at eviets@aol.com

Reviews

"Viets writes laugh-out-loud comedy with enough twists and turns to make it to the top of the mystery bestseller charts"
-- Cathy Mathias, Florida Today

"Elaine Viets' Dead-End Job series just gets better and better and JUST MURDERED is the icing on the cake -- a wedding cake, that is."
-- Mary Alice Gorman in Mystery Scene

"Viets keeps the comedy lovel high and the plot lively while also exploring the invisibility of minimum wage employees."
-- Oline Cogdill, South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Free Advice

Many readers ask me about writing. Here's one of my most frequently asked questions:

Q: Dear Elaine, What do you do about writer's block?

A: I got this tip from my agent, and it really works. If you can't get going with your book, don't let yourself write ANYTHING for a whole month. I mean it. Not even a note on a cocktail napkin, or a scribble when you wake up at night with a terrific idea. After a month of not being able to write, you won't be able to hold back when you sit down at the computer. And hey, if you've disobeyed yourself, you've started on your book. Either way you win. PS: This is similar to the technique sex therapists use. If you have a question about your writing or my mysteries, please e-mail me at eviets@aol.com.

Free Recipe

Many mysteries aren't complete without recipes for their readers. I'm best known for burning boil-in-the-bag lima beans, but I can make a pate like no other. It's a recipe that St. Louisans especially love.

When you need recreational calories, cholesterol and fat, serve this recipe. Good is not the word for Pate du Chateau Blanc. That's White Castle Pate. To make belly bombers for the bon vivant, you grind them in a blender and bake them with bacon. Then you slather the sliders with sour cream. It's murder on the arteries, but you only live once. This recipe was originally published in the Columbus, Ohio, Dispatch.

Pate du Chateau Blanc

Take 15 White Castle hamburgers with pickle and onion. Blend the burgers in a blender, three at a time, scraping the sides and adding water as needed for blending. Pour into a lightly buttered loaf pan. If desired, lay raw bacon slices in the pan first. Bake at 325 degrees for 45 minutes. Remove from pan and cool. Serve with a mixture of sour cream, yogurt and chopped parsley. Garnish with additional parsley, as desired.

About Those Other Dead-End Jobs

Meet my colleague, Lulu. We worked together at the Bone Appetit Dog Bakery in Fort Lauderdale. That’s where I researched my fifth Dead-End Job book, MURDER UNLEASHED.
    The people in MURDER UNLEASHED are invented. But Lulu is a real character, in more ways than one. I couldn’t make her up.
     Helen Hawthorne and I work a different dead-end job for each novel in my series.
     I sold bustiers to bimbos for SHOP TILL YOU DROP.
     I was a bookseller for MURDER BETWEEN THE COVERS.
     To research DYING TO CALL YOU, I was a telemarketer and survey taker. I sold septic-tank cleaner.
     For JUST MURDERED, I entered the emotionally-charged world of weddings. In the bridal department at Zola Keller’s posh salon in Fort Lauderdale, I heard a mother weep with joy when her daughter put on her wedding veil. I saw a husband yell at his wife because she didn’t spend enough money. “You make me look bad in that cheap five-hundred-dollar dress,” he said. “Don’t come out in anything less than three thousand dollars.”
     I’ve wondered why there aren’t more murders at weddings.
     I went to the dogs for MURDER UNLEASHED. That’s where I met women who sneaked tiny dogs into condos in great big purses. I watched a loveable mutt shoplift dog toys in his neck fur. I saw people treat their pets like treasures, and others throw them away like trash.
     Lulu is a PAWS rescue dog. This beagle-dachshund is the companion of Mark Tews, the co-owner of Bone Appetit.
     One day, a handsome man walked into the shop and said, “You are so beautiful.”
     Unfortunately, he was talking to Lulu.
     Lulu is the store’s supermodel. She wears a different outfit every day. Lulu has more clothes than I do: feather boas, rhinestone collars, turtleneck sweaters, and sundresses. Lulu adores swanking around the store in her newest outfit.
But unlike other supermodels, Lulu doesn’t crave fame or fortune. She works the room to sell dog clothes.
Lulu is a glamour hound. She has two manicures a week, plus massages. I’d be cleaning up Chihuahua pee at the store, and I’d hear, “Come on, Lulu. It’s time for your massage.”
      I’ve had a lot of hard dead-end jobs. Someday, I want to work like a dog.

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